


no YOU'RE a banned book

by frozensight



Series: a whole new world (literally) [8]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4665045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozensight/pseuds/frozensight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Magic Bullet has two regular patrons, neither one seems to particularly like the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no YOU'RE a banned book

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore AU

Dana felt a presence behind her, and assuming it was Byers, one of the owners of the Magic Bullet, she asked, “Can you get the Zeigler book on the top shelf, please?”

An arm reached over her to pluck the book she wanted off the shelf, but when the arm returned to its owner, Dana realized it _wasn’t_ Byers helping her.

“Really, Scully? ‘ _Emergency Doctor_ ’? I’d think that as a practicing physician, you wouldn’t need to read other people’s accounts anymore.” Dana sighed because of course her trip to the Magic Bullet would be ruined by running into Fox Mulder, another patron of the local bookstore that’s known for its tendency towards more eccentric novels. He also happened to be a friend of the trio that ran the store.

If it weren’t all but impossible to find certain books she needed anywhere else, Dana probably would’ve stopped visiting after her second encounter with Mulder. She had once had to wait behind him in line for twenty minutes while he chatted with Langly about the possibility (or certainty) of secret prisons underneath the Pentagon, and when he’d finally left, Mulder had purposefully looked back at her and _winked_. Asshole.

“Mulder,” she said, glaring at him, annoyed that he was still holding the book she wanted over her head.

“Scully,” he said back to her, a lazy grin on his face as he studied the cover of the book. “Honestly, what kind of medical nerd are you that you work as a doctor and then spend all your free time reading books written by other doctors?”

It took a lot for Dana to repress the urge to roll her eyes and sigh. “I’m allowed to have hobbies, Mulder, and some of those hobbies include reading books written by doctors.”

“Sounds like a redundant hobby, if you ask me.”

“Well, lucky for me, Mulder—I _didn’t_.” She refused to jump and try (and probably fail) to snatch the book away from him. Instead she crossed her arms and glared at him. Maybe she’d finally succeed in killing him with a look, and then she could just take the book from him.

“Touchy,” murmured Mulder, that damn grin still present. He finally lowered his arm so that she could grab the book, and he laughed as she stepped away from him. “Enjoy your nerd book, Scully.”

Dana moved before she even registered what she was doing, so it was a surprise to her when she blinked and suddenly Mulder looked up at her from the floor, piles of books scattered around him. He wasn’t grinning anymore, she noted, smiling herself.

“What the hell, Scully?!” demanded Byers as he walked over from where he’d been helping a different customer, Frohike and Langly not too far behind him. The two of them went over to Mulder, holding out their hands to assist him while Byers faced Scully.

“Sorry, Byers,” Scully mumbled, which was true enough. She was sorry she pushed Mulder into the display, but not sorry that she pushed him.

Byers sighed, turning so as to survey the damage. Dana was faintly aware that there were other people watching the scene now. She hadn’t realized the Magic Bullet ever had this many patrons in a single day. Mulder, standing again, exchanged looks with Frohike, then Langly, before his eyes landed on Byers and Dana. “My apologies about the mess, fellas.”

“We’re sorry too, Mulder,” said Langly, patting Mulder on the shoulder. He looked over at Dana, who was still holding her book. “You can buy that book, Scully, but afterwards, we’re going to have to ask that the two of you to not come by until you can interact civilly.”

“What?” she asked, confusion laced into her voice. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see that Mulder also appeared perplexed.

Frohike, usually keen on locking eyes with Scully, didn’t even look in her direction. “Other customers have complained about the two of you before, and knocking over a display is the last straw. You’re banned until you can prove to us that it won’t happen again.”

“Seriously?” Mulder shifted his eyes from Frohike, then to Langly and Byers. “I’m getting banned because _she_ can’t handle a little criticism?”

“ _Criticism_?” Dana stepped forward, right up into Mulder’s space again. “It’s hardly _criticism_ when you’re _mocking_ me for reading books I happen to enjoy reading!”

He shrugged, straightening up so he loomed over Dana, which was annoying and couldn’t be helped, unfortunately. “Mocking, criticism—tomayto, tomahto.” Mulder focused over her head at Byers. “Am I really banned?” Byers had to have nodded because Mulder said nothing else, just sighed and walked away. “Guess I’ll see you at the Flying Saucer then since I can’t come here anymore.”

Dana watched him walk away—amazed at how he made it seem like it was completely her fault that they were now banned. She’d had a part in it, sure, she wouldn’t deny that, but he drove her to it.

“Come on, Dana,” said Byers softly, gesturing for her to follow him over to the register. Dumbfounded, she followed and paid for her book.

It’s not until she walked out the door, her last (possibly ever) purchase from the Magic Bullet held in her hands, that it hit her that thanks to Mulder, she’d been banned from an establishment for the first time in her life.

“Goddamn Mulder,” she muttered to herself as she headed in the direction of the nearest subway stop. He always ruined something for Dana whenever she ran into him, and it seemed like today was no different.


End file.
